February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness & Prevention Month. This is a great time to take the opportunity to talk to your teen or pre-teen about healthy relationships. A 2009 study conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited for the Family Violence Prevention Fund and Liz Claiborne showed that three in four parents said they discussed what it means to be in a healthy relationship with their teens. Seventy four percent of sons and 66 percent of daughters however said they had not had a conversation about dating abuse with a parent in the past year.
Pre-teens and teens who learn to develop healthy relationship skills are more likely to have healthy relationships throughout their lives. Teach your child what a healthy relationship looks like. If they don’t learn it from you they will learn it from their peers, which may or may not be factual. Teens will likely talk to their peers and not a parent first about their relationship. If your teen does talk to you about their relationship, listen without judgment. If they see you overreact, it is not likely they will bring the subject up again.
It is important for you and your child to know the signs of a potentially abusive relationship, do not let the first sign of abuse be a physical one. Some of the warning signs you should watch for and talk to your teen about are;
Jealousy-seeing their partner get jealous can be flattering and make them feel wanted. Occasional jealousy happens even in healthy relationships but when one partner gets jealous on a regular basis or jealousy leads to anger or controlling behaviors, it’s a warning sign that your teen may be headed for danger.
Control can start out small and build over time so that it’s hardly noticed. Control isn’t just about permission; it can also be about fear. If your teen does things to avoid fights or hiding parts of their life that might set off their partner, they are in a controlling relationship.
Isolation is another warning sign. If your teen’s partner wants to spend all their time together and wants him/her all for them self it is likely that the relationship could turn violent.
Anger is the most dangerous warning sign, if your teen mentions that their partner punches objects when they are mad, it could easily turn into them punching your teen.
If you find it difficult to bring up the topic of healthy dating or dating violence, think outside the box. Have a movie night with your teen and take the opportunity to discuss the movie and situations after watching it. If your teen can relate to the healthy or the unhealthy characteristics in the movie, talk about it. Use the movie night to discuss your teen’s relationship. If you see an incident on the news, internet or hear something on the radio where a teen has been harmed or even murdered by their abusive partner, talk about it with your teen. Talk about teen dating violence and healthy relationships every time you have the opportunity.
We at RCCADV would like to get some teen participation for this year’s activities. We would also like to get a group of teens from the area to work with us throughout the year. If you are willing to take part in making a change in our communities, please give us a call or visit us on Facebook. Parents- if you would also like to take part in ending violence, please call or join our Facebook page. On February 11th we are encouraging area residents to wear orange to commemorate Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. On February 14th we would also like to invite everyone in our communities to join us to say NO to violence against women & girls. “One Billion Rising” is a global event that invites everyone to strike, dance, and rise to end violence against women and girls. For more information go to onebillionrising.org. RCCADV advocates will be combing our communities videoing anyone that wants to demand an end to violence against women and girls. We will post videos to our Facebook page, so come like us on Facebook.
For more information on teen dating violence or if you are a teen in a dating relationship and you fear that your relationship could become violent call the Richland County Coalition Against Domestic Violence at 433-7421, help is available. RCCADV serves Richland and McCone counties.
Reader Comments(1)
DocE writes:
I am deeply invested in helping teens choose wise romantic partners. As a psychologist, working often with teens, part of my job is to define what healthy relationships look like. To assist in this task I made a set of cards identifying 76 important questions to consider when exploring love titled, Things to Know Before You Say Go. The deck is explored & sorted to reveal how someone stacks-up to your needs, values and preferences. The cards make this challenging topic playful & engaging.
02/19/2013, 8:53 pm